THE HAPPINESS FACTOR STORIES

How Jasmine Let Go, Let Life Take Over, and Loved the Results!

THE BEGINNING

Jasmine was something of a control-freak. And it didn’t make her, or the people around her, happy. She was newly married for the second time, living with a big extended family and feeling overwhelmed with demands. She was trying hard to be loving and giving, while not really feeling it. Jasmine found herself “losing-it” frequently, which caused her to spiral into self-loathing.

THE BREAKTHROUGH

We soon uncovered where Jasmine’s pain was really coming from. Underlying her ‘control-freak’ was the enormous fear that if she didn’t take total responsibility for everything then it would all fall apart, leaving her out in the cold. So she tried so hard to be nice, acceptable and loving, while putting her need to be loved above her personal need for authentic self-expression.

In trying to suppress her own needs she was building up a store of resentment that kept escaping and spilling out at inopportune moments. Then she would feel guilty, again triggering the need to be nice, thus perpetuating the whole vicious circle.

Jasmine needed to learn about trust and letting go. About sharing responsibility and valuing herself enough to ask for help. Whenever she found the courage to do this she felt taken care of enough that she genuinely wanted to take care of others. It no longer came from a place of cost, but a place of love.

THE RESULTS

Jasmine discovered the beauty of life that all ex-control-freaks find. When you let go, others will step in. They’d only been letting you do it because you seemed so willing to do so! In fact, they often wanted to join in, because they’d been feeling excluded. And now that everyone was joining in, a happy household emerged. Jasmine finally had what she’d always wanted, and she’d got it in a way she never expected!

How Chris learned to love himself and discovered that everyone else did too!

THE BEGINNING

Chris had been sad and withdrawn since his wife left him for another man six months ago. He felt lonely, isolated, low on trust and worried about approaching women. He was especially unhappy that he’d started smoking again, and criticised himself heavily for it. He was also stressed and manically busy, and didn’t seem to be able to stop.

THE BREAKTHROUGH

We soon discovered why Chris felt an overwhelming drive to push himself into busyness. He father had been a very relaxed man, so relaxed that he wouldn’t work, created a lot of problems in Chris’ childhood. Subconsciously Chris feared that any degree of letting go would cause him to slide down a slippery slope and cause him to be like his father.

Chris had also blamed himself for the end of the marriage, really fearing that his wife left him because he wasn’t a good enough man. He’d completely personalized her actions, and it left him paralyzed with other women. He shut down whenever they came near.

We explored the possibility that women were not responding to him because he seemed unapproachable, rather than because they didn’t like him. We also explored the possibility that he could lighten up with himself about smoking, give himself a break after all he’d been through. It was scary for Chris to loosen up and let go, but he acknowledged that he probably wouldn’t turn into his dad.

THE RESULTS

Chris stopped being so hard on himself. He softened up and started smiling at people. He got an excellent response, especially from women! He didn’t become a slob. Indeed, six months later he’d stopped smoking. When women smiled back he realised that he’d been shutting them out, while thinking they were doing it to him! After that he found it easy to ask women out, and is now enjoying himself and the company of others enormously!

How Vanessa found her Happiness hiding under her Independence

THE BEGINNING

When she called Vanessa was newly married, loved her husband and lived in a beautiful home. But she felt sad, fragile, confused and lonely. She described herself as having low self-esteem. She’d moved into a new village and was finding it very difficult to make friends.

THE BREAKTHROUGH

We soon discovered why Vanessa was finding it hard to attract people into her life. She had a fierce independence which covered a deep fear of not being accepted. Of course this stopped her dead in her tracks when it came to approaching people. And the air of independence and self-reliance she gave off made it difficult for them to approach her. Of course she hadn’t realised this, she just thought people didn’t like her!

Furthermore, underlying the fear of not being accepted, Vanessa felt the constant need to prove herself. She felt driven to be ‘perfect’ and could not accept herself as lovable as she was. This created a constant stress and lack of joy in her life.

Together we explored the importance of self-acceptance, of loving yourself “just as you are”. Vanessa began to stop proving herself (which also kept people at a distance from the real her) and started to find the beauty of who she was without all that. Without the barricade her neighbours found it easy to approach her. And Vanessa found it easier to open up and allow them to see her.

THE RESULTS

Vanessa re-discovered the joy that bubbles up when you stop putting yourself under pressure! She found her authenticity and with it a new, honest and open, way of relating. Vanessa revealed her true self to the world, and it was someone that her neighbours and new husband loved getting to know! And now that she has found herself, she never feels lonely, even when she’s alone.