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C
an you remember the
last time you gave
someone something
with all your heart? It could
have been breakfast in bed or a
beautiful birthday gift,
something you’d thought
about with the intention of
making the receiver extraspecially
happy. When you give
with an open heart, you get joy
in return. To watch the face of
someone you love light up, and
know that you are responsible
for their happiness, feels amazing.
So why is it that giving doesn’t always feel
this good? When you are overwhelmed by
the needs of others, when you feel like all
you do is give, give, give all day long, when
it seems as though you live every moment of
your life for other people and do nothing for
yourself, the thought of giving one more
little thing can make you want to scream.
Balancing other people’s needs with our own
is not always simple.
“When you aren’t motivated
to give from the secret fear
that you’re selfish, you’ll be
able to give only when it feels
right to do so”
Many of us grow up feeling that we are
somehow not quite good enough and that
our needs are not as important as the needs
of others. In order to compensate for this
feeling, we give to everyone around us, but
at our own expense, feeling that
anything else would be selfish.
No matter how sad and
neglected we feel from our
giving, the fear of being selfish,
of being a bad, unlovable
person, urges us on to keep
going. And when we finally
snap, we feel even worse about
ourselves. We have become
someone who gives too much.
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In order to get joy from
giving, you have to drop the
guilt, and the drive to get
approval. When you aren’t motivated to give
from the secret fear that you’re selfish, you’ll
be able to give only when it feels right to do
so. You won’t overwhelm yourself with
commitments. And, above all, you’ll make
sure you’re happy before rushing to meet
others’ needs.
Giving can feel wonderful; but to be able
to keep it up, you need to start giving to
yourself first. If you give to everyone without
taking care of yourself you’ll soon feel
exhausted, frustrated, abandoned and
completely and utterly empty. And when
you give from a place of emptiness, the
giving is hollow and love-less, and there is
no point to it anymore. The people in your
life might want things from you, but what
they want most of all is your love. To give
them that you have to love yourself first. You
may fear that taking care of yourself is
selfish, but if you want to bring joy to those
you love, it’s actually the least selfish thing
you can do.
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